A Comedy of Errorsand Polyjuice
by Witch of Truth
Summary: The polyjuice potion seems like the perfect tool for getting revenge on bullies...but something resembling fairness seems to still exist on this world, and taking things too far may result in a karmic backslash of sorts. A sort of comedy of errors where things will oscillate between being fine and getting worse by the second.


_A friend asked me to write a story based on this premise—don't think she thought I actually would though haha. It's a silly premise, but it was fun writing it. Should be a pretty short story with around 3 or 4 chapters at most._

* * *

"Someone," Ginny muttered under her breath, "needs to do something _to_ those two."

Hermione wanted to ignore the remark, but could not avoid a sigh. A part of her had been annoyed at it. She had been happy to accept Ginny's offer to study in the Room of Requirements, but her mood admittedly worsened when the woman could not go over a couple minutes without complaining about Pansy Parkison and Tracey Davis. That Hermione thought Ginny's anger was justified did not make it any easier.

"They were caught and punished for it," Hermione said slowly, not lifting her eyes off her book. "We can't hope for anything else to be done _about_ them."

Ginny let out an incredulous laugh. "Detention and points! That's all they got—they lost some points and some free time. Hannah lost her dignity. I bet if you ask them, they'd call it a good trade."

Hermione grimaced. She didn't know exactly the cause of the bad blood between the girls and Hannah Abbot, but their confrontation reached its peak a week before. The Slytherin girls—it wasn't clear which one committed the act, though both conspired together—used a surprisingly competent Severing Charm, reducing the girl's clothes to little more than rags. Quite a few onlookers got a view of Hannah's exposed parts before she managed to restore her modesty.

"Well, what do you suggest?" Hermione asked angrily. "I tried talking to McGonagall—but she won't expel them, suspend them or anything more severe. Something about precedence…"

"Talk to McGonagall?" Ginny started with a nearly offended tone, and ended in an amused one. "I don't care if they get expelled, that's not appropriate revenge. Look, think of poor Hannah. How would you feel if that was you? Would you feel better if your bullies got a suspension?"

"Well…yes, actually."

"I wouldn't." Ginny spoke as if Hermione hadn't replied at all. "Retribution would be the only thing that would restore my pride here. And even if Hannah was satisfied with academic punishment for her bullies, she's barely even getting that. This is not fair."

"Well, what do you suggest?" Hermione asked again. "Do you want to cast a Severing Charm on them? And get caught, just like them? People aren't exactly going to have a high opinion of you, even if you are justified."

"So it's consequences you oppose then, not the idea of doing something to them?"

It was true, but they both knew Hermione would not admit it. "That's not what I said."

Ginny nodded, and handed a glass of water to her. Hermione sipped at it to attempt to avoid engaging her on the point, ignoring the odd taste. "We wouldn't be caught at all, I promise."

"Whatever your brilliant plan on getting us expelled on our last year is, Ginny, it's gonna have to wait. They aren't here for Christmas—"

"—and that's exactly the time to get revenge, really. While they aren't here."

There was no question in Hermione's mind that she would regret inquiring further, and yet this peaked her curiosity too much for her to let it go. What could they even do to them while they weren't around? "Go on," she said reluctantly.

"Polyjuice potion," Ginny said triumphantly. "That's going to be our liquid justice."

Hermione frowned. "I don't see how that would accomplish much of anything."

"It won't. Not by itself, anyhow." Ginny's smirk was devious. "Before I tell you, though, I want to try convincing you to listen to me. It will be great and fun, even if we have to break a few rules."

It wasn't as though Hermione was particularly stuck on breaking a few rules. Having fought Voldemort the year before, this school year had a dreamlike quality to it, where even the most daring of adventures seemed mundane. _I survived a war…but I could easily not have._ Hermione always thought of following rules as a way to ensure that tomorrow would be easier than today. _Life might be too short to think like that. Once in a while…not always. But just once in a while…maybe…_ She felt her face contract into a smirk before she had even made her decision. "Depending on your plan…if nobody gets hurt…I suppose—I'll listen to you, at least. If it wouldn't get us expelled—"

"Hermione, I'm sorry, but we're not going to be expelled," Ginny said through a fit of laughter. "I know favouritism isn't something to celebrate…but we fought Voldemort. You, especially, aren't going to be expelled for anything short of several murders. Even if we do get caught…which we won't."

It was a fair point, and it made Hermione more inclined to listen than she cared to admit. "So, what is your plan? How would polyjuice potion help us with payback?"

"It's pretty simple, really." Ginny paused, smiling. "We'll transform into them…then…well…then streak around the school. Make sure that people get an even better view of them than they did of Hannah. We run past everyone, turn back into our normal selves, get dressed and talk with everyone about how Pansy and Tracy were crazy."

Hermione's immediate response was a hysterical laughter, followed by a more nervous one when she realized Ginny was serious. "I'm not even going to respond to that, that—is insane." She wasn't opposed to having the bullies taste some public humiliation, but this was more than a little daring—even transformed, she wasn't about to stroll around the castle nude. "I'm sorry, but that's just not happening Ginny. We can't do that, we just can't. I don't have any reason to agree to this."

Ginny nodded, giving Hermione the uneasy sensation that the girl had expected this. "You do have a reason, though." She smirked. "If you stay like this, you'll get me in trouble. And you wouldn't get a friend in trouble."

"What do you—"

A familiar, almost nostalgic sensation overcame Hermione then. Her stomach turned, and she knew what was happening. _That funny tasting water! _She didn't need to look herself in the mirror to know what she looked like. Ginny now looked like Tracy, which meant she must have looked like Pansy.

Hermione surprised even herself when she asked, "How did you make the potion taste so…unnoticeable? It was almost tasteless."

"That's your first question?" Ginny raised an eyebrow. "It took me some…a lot of work. George helped me, though he doesn't know what I'm using it for."

Hermione shot a glance at a nearby mirror and regretted it immediately. She did not enjoy seeing Pansy in her reflection. "So…how does forcing me into drinking the potion make me willing to go streaking? Even if it's just Pansy's body, this is—this is…too much."

"I prepared the Room of Requirements before you came here," Ginny replied impassively. "It took a lot of testing, but I figured out something neat. I can make it kick out everyone inside it once I leave, and no one will be allowed back for 30 minutes."

"How did you do that?"

"I'll explain…after our dash through the castle."

Hermione nearly screamed in indignation. "I am not doing that, stop assuming—why would I—"

"Once the Room of Requirement kicks you out…you'll have to be outside, looking like Pansy but dressed in Gryffindor robes. Anyone sees you and…well, I'm sure you understand what I mean. _Someone_ will put it together, and I'll be in trouble. They see Pansy in Gryffindor robes and Tracy running in the buff and they'll realize who's behind it. I mean, maybe they won't. But are you really willing to risk me being found out?" Ginny punctuated her question by lifting her now oversized shirt—Tracy was much shorter—over her head. Merciful Merlin, she was really doing this. "Decide quickly!'

"I hate you so much right now!" Hermione cried angrily. Ginny's reasoning frankly wasn't convincing enough—there were plenty of other choices. Only, now she had a plausible excuse, as if she had been forced into it. Through complaints and cries of anger, she too lifted her shirt over her head. Much as she hated to admit it, a part of her found the idea the right kind of crazy—at least considering that their targets were heartless bullies. There weren't that many people at Hogwarts during Christmas break, so even a naked dash was likely to be on the same level of exposure as Hannah had faced in that busy hallway. Much as it ashamed her to admit it, her biggest fear in the moment was getting caught. "What is the plan?"

Ginny made a point to strip off her remaining clothing before answering. "We run from here to the Great Hall. We take a couple detours to make sure it's not over too quickly—don't worry, I have planned the route, just follow me. We just go past everyone, attracting as many onlookers as possible, then leave right through the front door and go near the lake—I've hidden the cloak of invisibility there, Harry left it with me. Once we have that, we sneak back into the Room of Requirement, get dressed and go on about our day. It's perfectly safe."

Hermione was hesitant to finish disrobing, even though it wasn't her own body that she would be exposing. Once nude, she instinctively found herself covering her chest with one arm and lowering the other to cover whatever else she could. Ginny, meanwhile, appeared to be having little issue exposing Tracy's nude body.

"Are you ready?" Ginny asked, hand on doorknob. "Once I step out, the Room will kick you out."

"I—give me a minute." Hermione took a deep breath, and only then she became aware of how fast her heart had been racing. It seemed foolish, now. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't. What if they were caught? "I can't—I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I'm going to get dressed."

"Too late," Ginny said, grinning. She turned the doorknob, and the nude girls were tossed into the hallway.

Hermione wanted to scream, but she wasn't sure if the potion—especially Ginny's tasteless version—altered her voice as well. The familiar hallway felt cold and terrifying now. A sinking feeling had hit her stomach, and she felt sick. _I'm naked in a hallway._ It hadn't hit her just yet.

"Let's go, Hermione. We have to get to the invisibility cloak before the potion runs out…" Ginny said through a giggle. "Unless you want people to see _you_ instead of Pansy. Personally, I'm going to start running now."

A scream from behind the two girls stopped Hermione from responding. They both turned around to find a boy—perhaps fifth year—staring wide-eyed at them. Hermione's—Pansy's—face became as red as Ron's ears often did, and she attempted at covering her modesty with her arms. The longest second of her life followed, until Ginny took off running past the boy, and Hermione followed, lagging ever so slightly behind. At first the distance between the two girls grew wider, forcing Hermione to abandon her hand covering for speed's sake. _It's just Pansy's body, not mine._ For once, knowing something did not make it any easier.

The streakers continued their mad run through the castle, and quickly encountered more observers, all appearing too stunned to say much. Hermione kept her head down, trying to let the audience become blurs in her vision and focusing only on Ginny who ran ahead. After a minute, it seemed almost doable—a boy here, a girl there, no one who could watch her for too long. Speed became her closest friend, and before she knew it, they had arrived at the Great Hall—they needed only to go down the staircase now.

"Faster!" Ginny cried out. "There's quite a crowd here!"

At hearing Ginny's first sentence, Hermione sped up as they ran downstairs. At hearing her second, she panicked and lifted her head. At least thirty students—maybe even some teachers—were watching their naked dash. Obviously they had gotten wind of it, and some of the more clever ones had ran straight for the Great Hall instead of chasing after the girls. Suddenly, Hermione forgot it wasn't her body that they were looking at. That it wasn't her exposed chest that the boys were staring at.

In a panicked motion to cover her modesty, Hermione tripped and tumbled downstairs.

_I'm an idiot._

Hermione, face down on the carpet, knew that staying still was only giving the onlookers a view of her—well, Pansy's—nude behind. And yet standing up seemed even more vexing. She wasn't sure how long she would have remained in that dilemma if Ginny, still looking as Tracy hadn't grabbed her by the shoulder and lifted her up.

"Merlin, Harry!" Ron's voice sent chills down her spine. "Pansy and Tracy are…completely insane. And naked!"

Hermione froze. Harry and Ron had mentioned wanting to visit them, if their Auror job allowed, during Christmas. She had not expected them to arrive today, much less _now._ That they were present made her all more aware of the crowd surrounding them. All her instincts told her to cover up, but just as she was about to, Ginny took a couple steps forward.

A crowd surrounded either side of them, and Ginny made no effort to cover Tracy's body from their stares. This act brought Hermione out of her panic—the plan was to embarrass Pansy, after all. Covering up was doing her no favors. This memory of a mission of sorts fueled her with some sort of purpose, and she found herself walking slowly toward Ginny, almost confidently now, leaving the crowd ample time to digest the sight of her behind. Abruptly she turned to face Harry and Ron, and as if she had planned it all along—dropped her arms to her side, giving them an unobstructed view of her body.

_Pansy's body, _Hermione told herself. _Not mine._

Before she knew what she had just done, Ginny seized her by the arm and pulled her toward the big double-doors leading to the courtyard. "Let's go, before our time runs out." No one tried to stop the two naked girls from leaving, nor did they give chase—likely just as much out of sheer confusion as out of a sense of politeness.

No one followed the two girls as they dashed to the lake.

First they breathed in quick bursts, desperately gasping for more as though afraid an invisible monster would catch them. Then, this gave way to long, heavy breaths as they slowed their pace, and finally into an adrenaline fueled fit of laughter.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we did that!" Hermione covered her face as though to stop herself from blushing. "I can't believe we did that!"

"That will teach those two," said Ginny. "That's what they deserve for what they did to Hannah. Now they'll know what it's like when everyone is making fun of them."

It felt as though the payback had been slightly—if not more—overdone, but the adrenaline still filled Hermione, and she could not find it in herself to be negative about anything. It was only the cold October air that that brought her down to reality. "I didn't expect to see Harry and Ron, though. That was…surprising."

"Indeed…indeed it was." There was something in Ginny's voice that Hermione could not quite place.

Hermione felt a tingly sensation in her teeth, and slowly the last bits of polyjuice—and her courage—left her. Once nude in her own body, a hurried panic set in again, but she kept it at bay. They were at the hiding spot of the invisibility cloak now. There was no danger anymore.

"I didn't expect them to come back…and I think…I think…Hermione?" Ginny asked hesitantly. "Promise you won't kill me?"

Hermione's stomach sank. "What? What happened?"

"It's the invisibility cloak. It's not here anymore. I think Harry found it…_somehow._ He must've—that's the only explanation, I don't know. I don't think it shows up on the map, not the cloak by itself, but—"

"Ginny," Hermione began, slowly. "I don't care how that happened. The only thing I care about is…are are…are we…" She trailed off. Finishing that question meant getting an answer she wouldn't like.

"We seem to be…" Ginny tried to sound optimistic, but failed. "We seem to be stuck naked outside the castle, yes."


End file.
